The first few years I spent learning to live life sober. Even driving was a task. Being intimate with a women was almost like I was a virgin again because I hadn’t done it sober very often in my life. Emotions were brand new. I didn’t like feeling sad or angry or anxious. Any time I felt that before I drank to feel happy only. I went to AA to ask for answers on how to deal with emotions that weren’t happy because I just didn’t understand that it could be done successfully. I didn’t understand that you could navigate and control negative thoughts and emotions. I also didn’t understand that I wasn’t the only one in the world that had problems. I thought I was special.
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Miserable? - Get Off Your Ass /
I remember wishing everyday that my life would fast forward. That each day would pass faster because I was so miserable. I felt so empty without my stepsons. It was a huge transition to part ways after never being without them more than a day in 6 years. I cried myself to sleep almost every night. I struggled the worst around holidays. I just wanted them to be over. I hated everything about them. I always felt like the universe treated me unfairly. Like I had been given a bad hand. Life was hard and unfair and nothing I had worked for had panned out.
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